?

Log in

The · Most · Cracked-Out · Story · Ever


Chapter Forty: And the Next King of Mirrglbury Was...

Recent Entries · Archive · Friends · Profile

* * *
Quagmire Gambolputty de Von Nackerthrasher Dimwatt. And no, I did not make that up. Well, I mean, maybe I did, but - hey, didn't I just tell you to quit it with your interrupting?! For goodness freaking ponies' sakes! JEEZ!

King Quagmire Gambolputty de Von Nackerthrasher Dimwatt was a little Asian (okay, so really she couldn't have been Asian because there was no Asia in this planet and therefore no Asians, but she looked Asian - Japanese, specifically - and she acted Asian - like a Japanese schoolgirl, specifically - and so by virtue of the ever-classic "if it looks like a duck and it smells like a duck and it swims like a duck and it quacks like a duck, then by gourd it durn well had better be a duck!" argument, I declare that she was in fact Asian even though she couldn't possibly have been, and I will therefore refer to her as Asian, and there is nothing that you can do about it, so there, ha) girl from Nearest Seaprot who just happened to be passing through Mirrglbury on her way to Lovely Valley when somebody handed her a raffle ticket and ran away into the forest, never to be seen again. By anyone. Not even animals. So there. Then the next thing that she knew she was being crowned king of Mirrglbury. So there you have it. How is that for pretty awesome luck. Or bad luck, if you don't actually want to be randomly made into the king of some random country where everybody has six fingers, even though you have six fingers too (in this hypothetical example, not in real life - well, maybe you do in real life, I've got no way of knowing, frankly), but luckily for young Quagmire Gambolputty de Von Nackerthrasher Dimwatt, she actually really did want to be randomly declared the king of some random country where everybody had six fingers, and she, being of this universe (this meaning the one in the story), had six fingers on each hand as well. So it all worked out just fine.

The only point in my mentioning this person (the one introduced to you all in the following two paragraphs) is in the fact that King Quagmire Gambolputty de Von Nackerthrasher Dimwatt had a funny name. Honestly. She did nothing at all, I mean, seriously, nothing whatsoever, of any interest to anyone except possibly hersefl, but probably not. And after the interesting and fortuitous manner in which Quagmire Gambolputty de Von Nackerthrasher Dimwatt became made king in the first place, there really was nothing else of any note whatsoever to have occurred during the course of her reign. This is unfortunate, but alas, there you have it, the girl in question lived, her life was pleasant but sadly uneventful, and there is nothing that any of us can do about it, despite however much we may wish to alter that aforementioned fact of her dull life, because we cannot, sadly, return to the past and change it, for the better or for the worse. And so you will just have to be content with knowing that this chapter, which you likely thought would be leading up to some kind of big long story about adventure and betrayal, love and lust on the high seas, greed and treachery with a good measure of humorous comic relief thrown in to keep things light and the mood happy, is nearing its completetion, having already fulfilled its sole purpose of existence, which was, of course, dual in nature: first objective, to inform you, my readers, of the existence of a young woman who may or may not have been Asian, though not technically; second objective, to inform you, my readers, of the manner in which this young woman at last ascended to the throne of Mirrglbury, and third objective, to let you, my readers, know, as stated at the very start of this chapter, who was the next king of Mirrglbury after Jimmy Buttface, which I did, and so I think that I can safely say that it is now safe and good and so on and so forth to end this chapter once and for all. And so I will. The end. (Of this chapter, not the whole story. Sorry to mislead you there on that point. Moving on...)
* * *