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The · Most · Cracked-Out · Story · Ever


Chapter Five: This is Stupid, Did I Mention That to You All?

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Once upon a time there was an extremely unfortunate young man - well, okay, he was a teenager, really, not so much a young man as an old boy, or actually essentially just a boy boy, but yes - at any rate, there was this very unfortunate young man - boy - whatever - he was fifteen years old, by the way - but anyhow, there was this kid who was from this one world called The Land of Adventure - no shit, that's really what the place he was from was called, officially and certifiably and everything, it really was called the Land of Adventure - anyhow, this kid was from Adventure (The Land of) and he was training to be young badass a la young Marth of Super Smash Brothers Land and other video games made in Japan which I don't actually know the names of - at least one other game besides Super Smash Brothers, anyhow - or a la Roy, Marth's gay brother, and while this kid was training to be a badass he happened to get kicked off of a three hundred foot high cliff.  This is the first reason why he was such an unfortunate young person.

            However, at the base of the cliff, rather than a raging torrent of water or a menacing outcrop of horrid spiky pinnacles of rock or the gaping maw of some ravenous and beastly animal all ready to swallow the poor boy up into its stomach, there was a swirling temporal vortex of time and space and other such multidimensional incomprehensible physics-type nonsense stuff.  And so, rather that falling to his untimely and tragic death, the teenaged boy fell into the time vortex thingie and landed in another world.  Now, this other world was a horrible post-apocalyptic place ruled by bitchy and mostly incompetent teenagers, and this place was called The Place Where Star and Bend Live, because there were two boys who lived there called Star and Bend, interestingly enough.  Anyhow, The Place Where Star and Bend Live was currently, because its creator and controller was currently participating in National Novel Writing Month, and was her friend, the author and controller of this particular and ridiculous narrative, in the middle of a great power struggle between two bitchy teenage girls, one of whom was considerably more incompetent than the other, who were called, respectively, the Empress and the Priestess, or Castania and, uh, some other girl whose name starts with a Pr sound (Preden?).  Unfortunately, because I can't remember the one chick's name and because I don't want to call the friend of mine who happens to be the creator and controller of these particular females, seen as, you know, they live in the world that she created, because she is currently in the middle of matters of much much greater importance than anything so stupid and frivolous as this pathetic little work of literature - such as, dying - and I am pretty darn sure that it would be pretty darn rude and selfish of me to call her and ask what that one Priestess girl's name is at the moment and so I'm not going to call her up and find out what it is until the life and death and horror situation that she is dealing with has been cleared up, and because I don't was to have to go back and find and replace every instance of my possibly (and actually quite likely) erroneous name for the girl at a later date, and because I can't write what it is that I was just about to write because I can't remember that girl's name for the life of me and her name (and, indeed, she herself) were kind of essential to the plot of what it is that I was just about to write and so I can't maintain inspirational drive without it and so can't write the thing that I was just about to write about just now, because of all of these things, I am now going to go and try to write about something else and then return to this later. 

            I am tired.  I wonder if I went to bed right now - it being only seven o'clock in the evening - if I would sleep through the night up until the morning arrived?  Somehow I doubt it.  Oh well.

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