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The · Most · Cracked-Out · Story · Ever


Chapter Six: Ungh.

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Dear Lord, make it stop.

            That was what Deneb Blookoblooko D'Bink D'Bonk D'Bank Ganooda Fronsniggle Bing-Tog Fliggitypuss Pop Snot Morglepookie - also known as Kevin - was thinking when the cassette tape finished playing out the silence at its end on Side B and switched back to its start on Side A and began to play over again what it had been playing in an endless horrible continuous loop for the past three days, or maybe it had been months, or maybe it had been years, or maybe it had only been a few hours, or maybe it had been even less than that - but the truth was that he simply couldn't tell because the cassette tape's contents had caused him to lose all sense of time and being and existence and consciousness and volition and defiance and sentience and so on and so forth.

            What has caused poor Kevin to find himself in such a desperate predicament as all of this, you may ask?  Well, in that case, I shall tell you.  You see, poor Kevin happened to be the Chief Executive Officer, or CEO, of a Big and Powerful Company called Big and Powerful Company, or BPC for short - not to be confused with the British Petroleum Corporation, which did not exist in this time and place, or at least not within Kevin's experience, but did however happen to have the same initials as his own Big and Powerful Company, and which was, like Kevin's company, also a Big and Powerful Company, at least in its own time and place, if not in Kevin's experience.  Because Kevin - also known as Deneb Blookoblooko D'Bink D'Bonk D'Bank Ganooda Fronsniggle Bing-Tog Fliggitypuss Pop Snot Morglepookie - jeez louise but I love the copy and paste features on these new-fangled text editors that computing machines have these days - but I digress - because Kevin was the CEO of BPC, he happened to have all of the authorization codes and pin numbers and other top secret information about his company and its finances and funds and so on stocked up in that little head of his, and unfortunately for him there were some other people who wanted to get that information from him even though he was unauthorised to give that information out to them, and so they had locked him in a small windowless cement room with embedded flourescent lights in the ceiling and cameras and speakers hidden somewhere behind the lights and had told him that those hidden speakers were going to continue playing the exact same sounds - there were not a great variety of these sounds, either - on an endless loop until Deneb Blookoblooko D'Bink D'Bonk D'Bank Ganooda Fronsniggle Bing-Tog Fliggitypuss Pop Snot Morglepookie started telling them the codes and other secret information that it was that they wanted to know.  Kevin had been brave - he had told them that he would never tell and that they could do whatever they felt like doing because he wasn't going to even so much as pay attention to it - but then those speakers began blasting those horrid repeating sounds into the room from somewhere that he couldn't sound, the same four awful noises, just repeating again and again and again forever and ever and ever and so on, on unto eternity, and then Kevin almost immediately regretted what he had said to his captors about how he wasn't going to tell the codes and stuff to them no matter what they did, because it was so horrible he couldn't bear it any more, not even so much as another second longer.  And this was why: because of what those four repeating sounds were.

            They were the sounds of the Pikachu.

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